I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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