I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
