just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He shit in the fireplace
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
