And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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