Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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