its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
