I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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