I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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