girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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