Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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