By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
