I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
