It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
