You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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