Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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