i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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