your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
