I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
this is an emotional support booty call
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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