I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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