We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
