if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
