There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
