Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
