dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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