She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
