New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
