Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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