does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
