so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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