if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
