I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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