I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
