Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
