When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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