I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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