Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I love how my cats smell like pot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
