Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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