guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
