no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
