i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
