she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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