wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
