3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
