If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
