Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize