Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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