Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
