she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
