My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize