In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize