Dual....:-)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
