Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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