did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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