i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
