I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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