I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
