Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
