Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
