the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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