Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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